Small Habits That Keep Me Grounded
Finding Balance & Letting Go of the All-or-Nothing Mindset
I tend to fall into extremes when it comes to personal growth. If you’ve ever struggled with an all-or-nothing mindset, you know how quickly one missed habit can unravel everything. I’ll go months where I’m running regularly, but if I get sick and miss a week, everything goes out the window. And once I start sleeping in again, next thing you know, I’m skipping yoga, eating junk food, and avoiding social settings. Doing the things I know help me feel good and bring joy get harder and harder. It’s like my mind wants all or nothing. And with a full-time job, finding the time and space to do all the things I dream of is a challenge. Throw in the inconsistency that comes with being on the road often, and achieving all the things I want feels impossible.
For the last few years, I’ve cultivated an acceptance of the middle. Maybe I can’t go running, but can I take a walk around the neighborhood? And if I don’t have the fortitude for a walk, what about sitting on the back porch for a few minutes to catch some sunlight? Finding ways to squeeze in some semblance of the thing and appreciating what I can do in those moments is important.
But for me, the most important part of finding that balance is implementing small habits that I can keep up even during the irregular weeks. Though some are daily, others are weekly, monthly, or even annual; all have been powerful in helping me thrive.
Annual Habits
implement “Card Day”
One area I really struggle with is sending birthday gifts to family and close friends. I mentally construct what I want to send, often including visions for a handmade gift. My heart runs away with sweet intentions, but ultimately, I am never able to complete the plan on time. I’ll have a gift box, half-filled, and unless I can gather everything I envisioned, it typically remains unsent or is sent out a month late. All-or-nothing.
This year, I implemented my first Card Day. I carved out a half-day in April to write out birthday cards to all my family and friends for the year ahead. And by addressing and stamping them, they are ready to send! To help me stay on top of it, I used sticky notes to separate by month and set little reminders in my phone to send them a week beforehand.
Is it as good as the dreamed-up packages I imagined? No. But is it better than nothing at all? Yes! And, if I want to add more, there is nothing stopping me from doing so. But it takes the pressure off (that I put on myself) and helps me realize the heart of what I’m going for: for my loved ones to know I was thinking of them.
Take a retreat
As a writer, I have visions of writing every day, hosting a weekly writing group, and weekends devoted to working on my novel. The reality is much harder, and devoted writing time is rare. So, every year (twice, if I’m lucky), I take a few weekdays off from work and book a cheap stay somewhere nearby to host my own personal writing retreat. My phone stays off, except for morning and evening check-ins, and my only focus is my novel. My first retreat was in 2024, and my third one is coming up this May. I find that when I have a retreat on the books, my creativity is activated months before and after in anticipation. A few concentrated days each year is no substitute for writing regularly, but it is wonderful to experience being in the flow state and having time devoted to it with no competing responsibilities.
Maybe you’re not working on a novel, but a retreat can be about creating space for quality time with a long-distance friend, diving into a long-lost hobby, or simply restful solitude. You make the rules.
Monthly Habits
schedule a SELF-CARE day
Hear me out. Scheduling one day a month to take off, and this part is important, for no reason at all, is liberating. This day is not about catching up on laundry; it’s not about going to all your overdue appointments; and it’s not about running errands. These days are intended for rest and respite. In May, I used it to go on a hike; in April, I went to the Atlanta Botanical Garden; in March, I spent it at the Korean spa; in February, I read in a coffee shop. Each month is different, but it fills my soul with something I need, just for me.
If monthly isn’t an option, try every 8 weeks. Some kind of regular time set aside with no responsibility is the key here. You could even do it without telling anyone! The only person who needs to know is whoever you schedule your PTO with. What you do with your time is up to you.
Deep-Clean Day
My monthly deep-clean day isn’t just my house; it often extends to other areas as well. My email inboxes get combed through for any unsubscriptions that are needed. My closet gets a pass-through for items that remain unworn. Photos get examined for what can be deleted to clear up space. And I check my phone for unused apps that I can uninstall. If I don’t do these things regularly, my closet and my inboxes will be out of hand in no time. My deep-clean day is sometimes scheduled, but many times happens spontaneously when I have the time and the inclination.
Weekly Habits
recurring tasks
Selecting a day of the week for repetitive tasks and setting weekly reminders in my phone, helped me stay consistent. I know this sounds simple, but it was a gamechanger for me. Here are few areas I always struggled with and the days that I now complete them.
Tuesday - Clean the bathroom
Thursday - Take my RA medicine
Saturday - Water the plants
Sunday - Meal prep for the week
Having this regularity (and the reminders) helps me stick to the habits that have tended to be a struggle for me.
focus blocks
If you have a fast-paced job, and fast-paced life, like I do, urgent matters can often steal from important projects or needs. Reserving a focus block on the calendar, and honoring it come-what-may, has been my trick to ensuring important projects never become urgent. I have also noticed that emails have a way of pulling attention from moving the actual work forward. When I am in a focus block, my phone is away, my email is closed, and my door is shut. This is a process of training oneself (and maybe even others) that the block is designated time for focused, uninterrupted work. It also helps me to add the project into the calendar hold. So when the time comes, I am mentally prepared to dive in.
Prepare for laziness
There will always be days where I just don’t have it in me to do the fundamentals: go for run, make dinner, etc. So when I can plan ahead, it helps to keep me on track in those moments.
Meal prepping is one of those things for me. It keeps me from eating lunch out during the workday, which helps the bank and my nutrition goals. And although this sounds so minor, dividing those meals into lunch boxes (instead of in one large container) made a huge difference for me. Having it easy to grab on the way out the door in the morning unlocked something in my routine. The same goes for snacking. When I pre-portion them, I am more likely to reach for them.
When I have the energy, I look for ways to help my future self. Setting out tomorrow’s clothes or grinding the coffee before bed. Tasks I can do in those moments to alleviate stress later on when I am fatigued or overwhelmed.
Daily Habits
Front load important things
I love how on the days I go for a morning walk, my steps are halfway to my daily goal before my work day even starts. Or when I knock out a big project before lunch and a feeling of accomplishment carries me through the afternoon. I find that starting my days with the important things first helps me ensure I do them while energy is plentiful and it gives me motivation to build upon it.
Contain the noise
I can’t tell you how many years ago I turned all notifications off on my phone. Texts and calls are the only ones allowed through and it is liberating. Life is not lived inside a device and keeping control on when and how I am engaging with the applications I use is paramount for me to be present in my day. It has been this way for me for so many years now, the idea of seeing every email immediately gives me instant anxiety.
Similarly, I try to leave my computer at the office as much as I can. This is in part because I often take public transportation and don’t want to drag a heavy computer around with me. But also, this helps me not take work home with me. When I leave my office, the rest of this day is for me. I can go for a walk, meet a friend for happy hour, or simply go home and relax. And any work on my mind will still be there in the morning.
There are many more habits I wish I could say I have mastered, but these small habits have offered stability. My goal is not to be the most productive or the fastest or the one who does it all; my goal is find joy and fulfillment in all that I do. Balance, honoring the natural ebb and flow of energy and passion, incorporating my values into how I prioritize my days, protecting my own needs, making space for quality time with those I love, and leaning into that which brings creativity and joy are all a part of realizing that life.
Habits may be small, but they have been powerful in my life. Which small habits have you found to be profound?
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